Mr Tot’s non-dweeb-tweets

Me: can we get that pie a la mode? Waitress: yes. Would you like a scoop of ice cream on that too? Me: Ummmmm

public void toddler(){ while(cognitiveAbility > verbalSkilz){ setToddlerFrustration(HIGH); setScream(ON); } }

Favorite typo of the day: Taterboro (for Teterboro, NJ). Think I’ll refer to it as Taterboro from now on (since I am always referring to it).

Apparently boat and orthodontics payments are due this week. Related: I have 3 doctor’s appointments tomorrow.

Shamwow Vince now selling the “Slap Chop.”. “you’re gonna love my nuts”. Srsly. Funny.

Sent email to kelloggs informing them that we just bought our last box of pop tarts. How can a munchie co object to pot smoking?

Daughter (20 months) just figured out the “Slide to Unlock” on my iPhone. By her self. #doomed.

3 am cat 1 barfs ON TOP OF cat 2. Perfect aim for a one-eyed cat in the middle of the night. Cat 2 barely noticed.

This is a virus that works on the honor system: Please forward this message to everyone you know and delete a bunch of your files at random.

Me: I’m working upstairs since I have to leave in an hour. SO: What? Your commute is so long? Me: Yeah. #wfh

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